I Found Him

I am not sure that having an affair is quite so negative. I have been having an affair with a married man for about 15 years. I met him on a course and didn’t realize he was married at the time, and only found out after I had fallen hook line and sinker for him.

We had a period of on/offs and then an absence of nearly 10 years, when I got married and had children of my own.

Now my children are getting into their teens and his are nearly 18 – we have gotten back in touch with each other and are madly and passionately in love.

I have a husband who although kind does nothing affectionate for me. He also works away every other month. My lover fell out of love with his wife for some time, works long hours and runs a football team just to get away from having to be at home.

We keep in touch virtually daily, through email and text and see each other when we can.

The fact is when we make our marriage vows many of us are intoxicated with the romantic visions of marriage. For me 25 years on I can see that all it is really is a business arrangement and a grind. Any passion is long dead and these days people live so much longer – forever is a hell of a long time, especially if you are not that happy with the person you are with and have an unbearable longing to be somewhere else.

I refuse to feel guilty about my affair. It has not affected my marriage in as much as it has enabled me to survive more or less sanely when so many things are wrong with the way I live. I have children and I take that responsibility seriously, he has children and I expect him to take that responsibility seriously too.

The fact he would not have walked away from his children is in my view the sign of an honorable man and the fact I never insisted on him doing that is I hope an indication of my maturity as well.

Life is such a lottery. Who says the person you marry is the right one for you – always. All I can say is I have loved this man for a long time now, although have not let it get in the way of my own life or happy family life.

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